Wednesday, November 2, 2016

A Tailor’s Good Advice

A suit tailor came to our house to put some finishing touches to dad’s new speaking uniform and once his work was complete there was some idle chat. He mentioned his younger brothers and at once my ears perked up. I asked him about them but they were all married. DANG! At once all of us got into the subject of the male shortage in Utah. He told me of the frustrations of his friends in finding girls and I picked his brain about their struggles and he gave me some fantastic advice.

He said the thing that was turned his friends off were girls who were competitive and excessively independent.  I personally wasn’t sure how competition looked in a marriage so I looked it up. 

Dr. Gail Saltz in his article on, 6 Signs Your Relationship is Competitive, describes a competitive relationship as as hoping your spouse fails, angry when they succeed, feeling insecure about your own talents when compared to theirs, attempts to outdo your spouse on various tasks, viewing them as an adversary, and feeling “happily superior at their failures”.

I could definitely tell I was at risk for this with my “more macho than my man” problem. So I described my problem that the longer I went single the more I had to become more independent by necessity. Personally, after having just replaced my spark plugs, cam and crankshaft sensors, and ignition switch, I would love to relinquish auto mechanics to my future husband.

He sympathized with me on the excess of guys who, rather than take up their mantle of manhood and adult roles, resort to gaming to get a feeling of accomplishment since real life can often be long coming or seldom rewarding. He prescribed being sweet, kind, pretty, and most importantly a cheerleader in a future relationship.

Grant Feller in his article How to deal with Competitive Marriage Syndrome, on says the fight for women’s equality has reversed the balance of power and competitive marriage is one of the results. He says women are less accepting of subordination. (Bad wording dude) Scriptures implore women to be submissive not subordinate. There’s a difference between subordination and submissiveness.

I even looked it up in order to be precise:  to subordinate is to place in a lower class, rank, or position while submissive is meekly obedient or passive ( Thousands of years of subordination is exactly what provoked the women’s rights movement. But, I agree that feminism has become excessive. Rather than becoming equal with the husband women are now dominating and subjugating; committing the very crime that previous generations of men were accused of. This imbalance is hurting the family government and creating a generation of gender-role-confused, undervalued, video game escapist, and self defeatist males.

The Lord imparted the secret of a woman’s power to Eve when he told her to be submissive.  Meekness isn’t weakness, meekness means: power under control.  Men by nature are protectors and if you butt heads with them they will stand their ground and butt back. They’re designed that way. But they are very responsive to submissiveness. They love to please, to be chivalrous, to be praised, and made to feel manly. History has proven they will go to ridiculous lengths to please the woman when she works her influence. (I'm not talking about sexual influence here, that's its own can of worms.)
If a righteous man and woman coordinate in a partnership, the man leads as the first among equals but woman has a very powerful influence, when used right, empowers her spouse and influences their posterity for generations.

I’m so used to being one of the bro’s amongst three brothers I fear I am out of touch with my sweet side but I am hopeful that I have done well practicing cheerleading on my family members. So taking the tailor’s advice, I’m going to be aware, try to cultivate some sugar in my attitude, try not to be domineering, and let the man play his God anointed role of being my teammate.