Holding out for a Hero

"Where have all the good men gone?

Where are all the gods?

Where is that street-wise Hercules to fight the rising odds?"

Here were a few that I met:

Now I’ve had my say with my frustrations with men and dating, it’s only fair to give just dues to the heroes I’ve met among them.

Through elementary school I was ostracized and bullied. I was an ugly duckling, probably suffered from depression and anxiety, seldom wore trending clothing, and what few friends I had were always off track, and I was nice to my teachers which was as good as a social death sentence. There was one kid who wasn’t unkind to me who was in my classes maybe once or twice. His nick name was Willy Wonka because his name was Will and he loved chocolate. One day after the bell had rung to go home I was heading for the bus when Will came up, seized my back pack and swung me around by it. I was outraged but he began to explain that the other kids had dared him to. My younger brother Brandon, who had caught him in the act, charged up and gave him a good football tackle. This was daring for my brother because Brandon was in the third grade and Will was in the sixth grade. I held Will back while Brandon escaped. Will was apologetic and unhostile so I never did hold a grudge probably because I was so proud of my younger brother who had come to my rescue.

That was the first major encounter I had with Will. In Junior high I found out he actually liked me and maybe even had a crush. We were good friends after that. He was the first boy to like me and to a girl who was made to feel like worthless crap by others, just knowing he liked me was the most liberating thing he did for me. He ended up moving away in the eighth or ninth grade but we corresponded for a while and I still have his letters which were sweet and intelligent. We lost contact though and I haven’t heard from him since. The last I heard about him was in high school, some of his old friends said he got lung cancer. I don’t know if he survived that battle and haven’t been able to find him. He’s not appeared on any social media and if I could ever find him would like to express my gratitude to him for being my friend during a time when I often felt all males were set on my emotional destruction. Though he was young he acted honorably like a man and treated me like a lady, as a boy only could in the seventh grade.

In church I was as popular among the youth as I was at school. I sat in youth meetings with an empty seat on either side of me almost every Sunday. But the stake patriarch became an unlikely friend. He was mild in temperament, soft spoken, and 3 times a doctorate. But, this serious mannered elder was one of the first non-related adult fans of my artwork. He always encouraged me to show him my corny cartoons and he showed a genuine amusement in them that bolstered my self-esteem in the most nurturing of ways. If there was one thing an insecure beginning artist needed was a devoted fan. And having the support of one so esteemed gave me validation that’s lasted me to the present day.

Having a nearly nonexistent relationships with my grandfathers, the elderly gentlemen whom my dad introduced me to at church when I was around eight or nine, became a surrogate grandfather to me. I visited him and he would tell me his life stories of his five missions, his award winning rabbits (102 ribbons I think), his adventures selling ice cream to the navy, and riding on top of trains. He doted on me as grandfathers do with ice cream, treats, and random gifts like nice pens he found working at the D.I. that I treasured for years. And of course, every Sunday he gave me a handful of star bursts. He was my friend from elementary school to high school. At his funeral I was permitted to join the family at the closing of the casket. He was an example of a solid testimony, work ethic, and a gentleman.

There have been other boys in my life who have been my friends and were generous and kind. So I know that good men are out there, the challenge is finding the one I want to spend eternity with.

"Because it’s gonna take a Superman to sweep me of my feeeeet. I need a hero!"

Pillow-Pillar

Sole Mate

Mom once said that dating is like trying on shoes. Now I take it further. Some shoes look fabulous but give you blisters. Other shoes aren't much for appearances but feel awesome. And some shoes are AMAZING but you can't afford them.

But you know the shoe that best suits you is out there.
I've had some dates where my date and I wordlessly agreed that it wasn't happening. We were polite,  spoke as if we might speak again, and then neither of us did. Either side of the party doesn't necessarily have to do anything wrong the sparks simply don't fly.
Like trying on a shoe that seems like you should love it but when you look in the mirror it just isn't the right look. Be it personality or principles that don't match; that's okay. The journey is hit and miss. It just gets very tiring. Your socks get sweaty and stretched out after trying on shoes then you just feel hungry and want to go home. It was fun at the start but when you keep striking out you no longer look forward to it. But in the actual case of dating people my age don't have the necessity of fasting from dating like you can shopping. Lots of pressure.

Finding a sole mate or soul mate is work and sometimes it just rubs funny and you just want to run around in socks for a week to a few months after fruitless shopping sprees.

Groundhog Dating

Online dating reminds me of the movie Groundhog Day. It's about a meteorologist who goes to Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania to report on the Ground Hog Day festival but the freeway gets snowed in and he’s trapped there. The next day it’s Groundhog Day again and everything repeats exactly the same and he can’t escape. He’s there for an indeterminate amount of time re-living the same day over and over and he’s the only one who’s aware of it.

How is this like online dating?

Because you have to have the SAME conversation with different guys over and over and over and over.

What do you do with your time?

What’s your family like?

What are your dreams?

What’s your favorite shows, music?

Why do you dress up your sister’s cat?

I’ve only been through three online dating resources: LDS Singles, Tinder, and LDS Planet. It was virtual suffering for me.

First of all, (I don’t browse the women so I don’t know what their mistakes are but here are my observations of the men) Many have HORRIBLE profile pictures.

They look like they used their mug shot from prison. Stony faced, cold, threatening.

Other’s use shots of them from a distance. Yeeeeah. Are you saying I want to keep my distance for your first impression?

Basically, a good rule of thumb, gents, is eliminate anything that could make a girl browsing your profile say: “There’s a reason why.”

He’s hiding his hair, “There’s a reason why.”

He has no close ups of his face, “There’s a reason why.”

Why does he weigh 300 pounds?  “There’s a reason why.”

Basically, solve your big issues before publishing yourself. Lose weight for yourself, though, not for someone else. If you couldn’t lose weight for yourself what makes you think you’re going to improve for your spouse once you put a ring on her?  If you’re having problems with being attractive, find styles that enhance your best features. They say there’s no such thing as ugly women just poor women, so what about the guys? If you’re losing your hair and it’s making dating difficult, then make your baldness work for you. Shave off the comb over, and assume a style that suits it. If you’re uncomfortable with your shiny dome then she will be too. A good example of a guy who does it right is Vin Diesel. He owns baldness.

Here, something with good tips from Google: http://www.wikihow.com/Make-an-Average-Guy-Attractive. DO your homework. Homework is the easy part. 

Dress alone can make or break success.

I heard a saying once: lingerie to men are suits to women. Which means, if panties on a woman make men swoon, a suit on a guy is going to make a woman swoon.

I’m not saying you have to dress up ALL the time, I’m talking about FIRST impressions. Because once you have her attention then she’ll probably like you in anything that doesn’t make you look like a total slob or hobo.
Like, once my grampa told my younger brother to wear a suit coat and he just wore it over a t-shirt. He had not only attention from girls but from impressed adults who commented on his snazziness.

It’s not hard to find solutions dudes. Women do it CONSTANTLY. Return the favor. 

What resulted in the happy ending for Phil Connors on Groundhog Day was interesting. After failed attempts to get the woman he had a crush on through many comedic methods, he tried to be exactly what she wanted in a man but she could tell it wasn’t real. He finally got her when he became a better man for his own sake then she fell in love with him because, incidentally, the best version of himself was exactly what she wanted.

Is Being a Cartoonist a Turn Off?

You know that meta-language that you pick up from your dates when you've said the wrong thing?
There's that sort of deflation in their countenance. They zone out suddenly when you talk. They start to seem like they're enduring your presence after your seemingly benign statement.
I've gotten that suprisingly frequently when I've mentioned that I draw cartoons.

(A little reference to Pixar's new film "Inside Out") (The award was just Best Editorial Cartoon for State High School Newspaper Competition)

I'm left to wonder what impression they have of cartoonists? Are cartoonists reputed for being weirdos or something? If that's the case, then I'm definitely a proud weirdo but no one who knows me has complained.

An after thought comic

Beauty and the Homely

What do people mean when they say: "Don't be so picky. They have great personalities"?
Are they on a charity mission for all the left over guys who weren't first picks for their looks?
Or are they telling me that I'm aiming too high for my own looks?
Or are they saying, "Sorry, we already married the hot ones. Good luck."

Because everyone who has told me that, without fail, had a hot spouse or boy friend.

My tiff here is, why am I expected to work so hard to look good but guys aren't being held to an equitable standard?  Even guys with natural good looks waste it through sheer laziness.

I already talked about coming from a macho family, but they are also a family of handsome people, cousins and all.
These aren't my words.
Every time a visitor would walk in and see the family portraits the first thing out of their mouth is: "Oh! You have a gorgeous family!" It's very flattering and annoying.
The annoying part started when my youngest brother was in....mmmm sixth grade and there was a neighbor who was smitten with him and LITERALLY every other sentence was, "Your brother is so HOT" Aaaaand, it was like that with many girlfriends since for all three brothers.

I worked at the dollar store for a year and a half in high school. When my brothers were going through jr. high and high school the kids from school would come in and say, "Hey! Are you so-and so's sister? Your brother is SO cute!" The annoying part ended when they all got married. (Sorry to disappoint ladies)

So, having that established, being comely in hygiene and dress for my family is important. I was a slow bloomer, I didn't wear make up till maybe my sophomore year because I thought the other girls looked like circus clowns. That and I was highly sensitive to how clothing fit. Any attractive clothing by default is usually uncomfortable. So it was all t-shirts and tennies for me. But, I painstakingly learned and adjusted to modest and attractive clothing even when I was ready to rip it off and burn it when it hiked up in the arm pits or was never long enough for my torso.

I learned how to do make up, an immaculate shave, primp, curl, and pamper. All because I would never attract the opposite gender if I didn't. For my brothers at least, looking good in the morning is easy.

If it's this easy for all guys, then WHY are they showing up for dates in shorts and flip flops with a three day old beard? I just spent an hour doing myself up to appease society's standard (within reason) they show up like I'm not worth ten minutes of their time even though they flirted their poor hearts out via text. What crawled up their tail pipe and died on the way over? (Their attitude upon arrival is a subject for another post.)

If it's shaving that's a pain then consider the difference of skin area that women versus men have to shave. There's got to be at least twelve square feet of skin on the legs to shave. Men's faces have what, half a foot? And let's not forget the arm pits, ladies who have to attend to the upper lip, the eye brows, arms, etc... so that can add up to nearly twenty square feet of skin women have to shave and the dudes can't shave a foot off their face? 

Haha. that sounded weird.

I think it's important to be attracted to your companion. What else would draw you together in the first place?  I think that's why the Disney classic "Beauty and the Beast" speaks to me. I grew up an ugly duckling so I know what its like to have guys' eyes glaze over and they stare at the air in front of you and they try to escape as politely as possible. Often not so polite. 

So now that I've put considerable effort into making myself "want-able" it seems unfair to have to drop or have LOW expectations for a potential spouse. It's like, taking a Ferrari and making it tow a dumpy camp trailer. Or having an Olympic athlete train for decades then expect him to dive into a kiddie pool and not have him be annoyed.

Basically, this rant is a ball of irritation caused by people telling me to lower my standards even though they didn't. Unless it was them that turned their homelies' into princes' but I doubt that.