After engaging in sci-fi speed dating at comic con and dating 3 guys in a row over the course of a week I find myself emotionally exhausted and feeling miserable.
Then I realize, dating makes me feel overwhelming guilt. No wonder I hate it so much.
It goes like this, first the poor guy works up the courage to call or text. We both put on our best faces and cordially chat and ask questions. Then one of us, usually him, works up more courage and suggests a date. We go out and he spends his hard earned money to feed and/or entertain us. But after these dates I just find I'm not interested and the guys have invested time and money on me that got them nothing.
To me if someone entreats you it is a gift. According to our culture a gift is only unconditional if its anonymous. So I feel indebted to these guys but don't want to continue with them. Then I feel guilty.
I end up avoiding dating for a time while I recover emotionally. After a season alone I feel lonely because I don't have a dude but then when a dude actually wants to date I feel horrible dread.